Stephen Hawking's Cat

Dog: Hey!  Hey cat!

Cat: Nyaah, what’s up dog?

Dog: I think master wants to put you in the crate!

Cat: What?  The crate?  Why?

Dog: I dunno, I just got a feeling.  Me and master, we’ve got this bond, you know?

Cat: Yeah, whatever.  But even if your doggy sense is right, who cares?  Look at him, he can’t even move!  No way he’s getting me in that crate.  

Dog: Ohhhh, I don’t know…master makes things happen.  When I want food, I can’t find it anywhere, and so I bark for master, and then there’s food!

Cat: Whatever, whatever, I do what I want!

Dog: I mean it cat, you better get ready to get in that crate.

Cat: All right, let’s play a game--

Dog: Yay!  Game!

Cat: I’ll be the mysterious sphinx and you are my hapless victim.  Solve my riddle…or I shall gobble you up!

Dog: Oh no!

Cat: Assuming master wants me in the crate, riddle me this: how will he get me in there?  Answer step by step, no paw-waving!

Dog: Ohhhh, I don’t know…he’ll think of something, just you watch.  Look!  He’s moving his thumb!

Cat: Nyaah, thumbs, overrated!  Soft, clumsy things that don’t even have claws!

Dog: Ohhhh, look at that box next to him!  Something’s happening, cat, you better watch out!

Cat: Quit your barking!  He’s just making noises.  Noises aren’t putting me in the crate any more than that useless thumb of his.

Dog: I don’t think those are just any noises.  Humans make those at each other and then it’s like they’ve smelled things even without ever having smelled them.

Cat: Now you’re talking crazy talk.  And after all your yapping, I’m still not any closer to the crate.  You better stop worrying about master and start worrying about yourself.  The Sphinx is getting ready to eat you!

Dog: Doorbell!  Must bark!

Cat: Who’s this now?

Dog: It’s master’s friend!  She brought treats, yay!  And now she’s coming for you, cat!

Cat: What?!  No!  I don’t want to go in the crate!  Hiss!

Dog: Haw haw!  You snooze, you lose!

Cat: Gaaah!  That doesn’t even make sense!  None of this makes sense!  Let me out!

Dog: Hey!  Master’s friend has a leash!  That means we’re going to the park!  Yay!
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Cat: Gaaah!